It seems like half the email I receive at work ends with some variation of:
“Please let me know if you have any questions.”
Often, I’m tempted to reply with some snarky, off-topic question. I refrain, but if I did reply, it’d be a query with a subtle allusion to pop culture, with bonus points for a 70s or 80s reference. The canonical example is from the masterpiece Monty Python and the Holy Grail:
“What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?”
Aside from this classic, here is my list of other nonsensical questions carefully culled from pop culture:
What’s the meaning of life, the universe, and everything? (The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, 1979)
After speculating on the fitness of African and European swallows, questioning the meaning of our existence is probably the next great question truly showcasing your wit in the workplace. Although, this one’s a bit trite by now. Let’s see if we can do better.
What was the middle thing? (A Fish Called Wanda, 1988)
The leader of a group of bank robbers goes into lengthy details about how they will perpetrate their crime without leaving evidence. At the end of the explanation, when the leader asks if anyone has any questions, dimwitted Otto pipes in with this pearl.
When it comes to stewed prunes, are three enough? Four too many? (Fletch, 1985)
During a voice-over, investigative reporter Irwin Fletcher lists out all the questions of his investigation that are still troubling him. He ends his list with this gem.
What would you say you do here? (Office Space, 1999)
A must-see for any office worker, one of the sub-plots of the comedy pits the employees of Initech against two efficiency consultants, looking to trim the company payroll in order to boost company profits. In one hilarious exchange, the consultants do seem to uncover a truly ineffectual employee and cut to the chase with this question.
Over Macho Grande? (Airplane 2, 1982)
I don’t think I’ll ever get over Macho Grande.
I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed? (10 Things I Hate About You, 1999)
This is a reasonable question.
Who run Bartertown? (Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome, 1985)
The archetype of dystopian cinema, the Mad Max movies were full of violence, despair, and questions of authority.
¿Donde está la biblioteca, Pedro? (Dodgeball, 2004)
The villain, White Goodman, is expanding his chain of fitness centers to Mexico and must now brush up on his Spanish. It is always important to know where your local library is.
Where’s the beef? (Wendy’s commercial, 1984)
These Wendy’s commercials were a hit back in the 80s. Time to bring back the age old question.
I know he can get the job, but can he do the job? (Joe Versus the Volcano, 1990)
In the same vein as Office Space–let’s call these Work Dystopian cinema–Joe Versus the Volcano is the story of a man mired in mediocrity longing to do something extraordinary. In one scene, the audience gets to listen in on Joe’s boss, Mr. Waturi, having an absolutely inane phone conversation with another manager. If only I had a dollar for every similar conversation I’ve been part of over the course of my career.
What Can You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb)? (Star Wars Christmas Album, 1980)
I guess they do celebrate Christmas in a galaxy far, far away or else droids wouldn’t struggle with such serious, gift-giving quandaries.
Do you know where the weight room is? (Tommy Boy, 1995)
Initially, I considered the other sage question from Tommy Boy—did you eat a lot of paint chips when you were a kid?–but I thought that was a little too mean for these purposes.
What’s in the box? (Se7en, 1995)
Ok, I probably shouldn’t end this post with this question. Maybe I should have went with my first choice: Dude, where’s my car? (A fantastic film in its own right.) But, I’ll throw caution to the wind and finish with this one. Whatever you do, though: don’t look in the box!
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